I need a vacation, but I’m too cheap, lazy and poor to take one.

I need a vacation, but I’m too cheap, lazy and poor to take one.

The young PR doesn’t know it yet, but I hate her. I hate her like I hate when the air conditioning in August breaks down, and the technician is not available. She didn’t do anything wrong, I mean not to me personally. All I wanted were a few pictures for an article, and all I got was the most despicable reply one can get. : “Hi! I’m on vacation until the 29th of August, so I won’t be available. For urgent cases contact the office. Good day” Read the automatic reply message. Good day? Seriously? I’m surprised you didn’t wish me a flattering bikini and some fairy dust.

Everybody’s on vacation. Everybody. The government can send me the payment bills, but can’t answer the phone. My friends post photos with their children in Mykonos, Crete and London. Even strangers on my facebook and Instagram feed insist to post their check-in from the airport with the caption “See you in September!” Keep it up sweeties, we’ll see who’s gonna wait for you in September. Maybe ISIS.

I know. I’m bitter, tired and exhausted. It’s not by chance that the state pays us welfare in August (Which Income tax decided to ban it from this paycheck. Why? I don’t know, they’re not answering!) Vacation is necessary for one’s soul. A breather. To realize that you actually love you baby girl, and you don’t want to sacrifice her to the gods of YouTube for a bit of peace and quiet. But a vacation is a privilege we can’t afford. It was a last minute plan. We go about in the present, shaken and sweaty, and watch as our colleagues throw away their life long savings on an all-inclusive vacation package, or a weekend in Warsaw with the tired excuse of “Sometimes, you owe it to yourself.”

My husband actually tried asking his boss for one, two or even five days off. We spent most of it anyways on our daughters’ mini-dysentery last month, an “everyone is on vacation so the boss asked me to stay.” My cheap nature and my skimpy education leaves no good news. I too, keep my days off on my paycheck for an emergency. They accumulate to the point where suddenly, by surprise we get an all-paid vacation in Tokyo without even asking. And then what? We get pissed for wasting all our days on a day at the water park with the rest of the nation and its foot fungus. It’s a lot easier to complain that I need a few days to myself, and to hate my facebook friends that get that privilege- “Looks great! So happy for you!” I comment on the “Thailand with the kids 2016!” album while thinking to myself that it’s about time for a tsunami.

Salvation came from where all my salvations come from – My mother. Such a patient woman, the iron grandmother, with a spirit of a retired teacher, and will forever regret what I have done to her in my twenties (Sorry Mom!). “Come to Jerusalem” she said. “It’s a free vacation. No humidity, I will babysit and the fridge is always full. Dad put the VOD back on as well”. “Oh Mom” I wanted to say. “You had me at ‘Free'”.

So yeah, we won’t be passing through the airport soon, and I will continue to despise your vacation albums, but hey, I get to binge on “Mister Robot” with air conditioning that I don’t pay for. Lets see you beat that!

Four things that will improve your Stay-Cation:

1.”The American Embassy” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A Nigerians’ insight on the American and British society and a mesmerizing unfulfilled love story. I Also recommended the interview she gave “Financial Times” and TED.

  1. Ice Cream Party- Rules are simple. Balcony, people bring their favorite flavor of ice cream. The vegan friend brings homemade ice cream, the wild friend brings the alcohol. Eat, drink and nobody counts calories, Hurray!
  2. Binge on gloomy TV series. It’s obvious I’ll recommend on Winona Ryders‘ new show, but I prefer good TV. Try “The Night Of” and thank me later.
  3. Autumn Dresses– reinforces the illusion that August is almost over, and you’ll have something to wear afterwards.



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